Hi, I'm Federica — sleep consultant and founder of the With Love Method 🌷

Every child is unique and follows their own growth timeline.

Some learn to self-soothe early, while others need more support and closeness.

There isn't a "right time" that applies to everyone: what matters is observing your little one's signals and supporting them with gentleness, respect, and a lot of patience.

Today I'd like to talk to you about what studies say about self-soothing in children and how to encourage this process naturally, without forcing it and with much love.

At what age do children start to self-soothe?

The first self-soothing abilities typically appear between 4 and 12 months, but with enormous differences from child to child.

📊 Studies show that:

• at 3 months, only 17% of infants can calm themselves;

• between 6 and 9 months, about 61% start to show signs of self-soothing;

• at 12 months, half can fall back asleep independently, while the other half still needs parental presence.

👉 This means that it is perfectly normal if your child, even at 9 or 12 months, is not yet sleeping independently.

Self-soothing is a gradual journey, not a goal to be reached quickly. In fact, it's a journey to undertake with our little ones so we can grow together and strengthen our bond ❤️

How children self-soothe

Self-soothing is not learned all at once: it builds up over time, through many small daily gestures that help the child calm down and fall back asleep.

Here are some signs that show this growth:

• sucking their thumb or using a pacifier;

• rocking slightly;

• caressing a soft toy or object;

• fidgeting a bit, then relaxing and falling back asleep.

These are simple gestures, but they mean a lot: they indicate that your little one is learning to self-regulate, a precious skill that will accompany them throughout their life.

How to encourage self-soothing (without forcing)

You can support this learning process with small daily steps, always with gentleness and consistency:

🌙 Put them to bed drowsy but still awake, so they can practice finding sleep on their own, feeling you nearby.

🌙 Maintain predictable and calm evening routines that reassure them.

🌙 Remain present and welcoming, even if you wish to gradually increase their autonomy.

For our With Love Method, the loving presence of mom and dad is key:

there's no need to "detach" to teach, but to welcome and accompany with consistency.

The child thus learns that they can trust, because you are there — even when you're not right next to them.

Comfort objects: a precious help

Many children find reassurance in a soft and safe object, such as a soft toy or a blanket.

These objects can generally be introduced around 6 months, always keeping in mind the safety rules for sleep.

These little allies help the child manage nighttime awakenings and feel a familiar presence even when the parent is not in the room.

👉 Always choose objects certified for sleep, without small parts or materials that could obstruct breathing.

Why self-soothing is important

In addition to reducing nighttime awakenings, developing the ability to self-soothe brings benefits that go beyond sleep:

🌿 longer and more restful sleep;

🌿 more regular sleep-wake rhythms;

🌿 greater emotional security and trust in the parent.

It's a gift you build together with your child: the ability to calm down, trust, and find balance on their own, knowing that your love is always there.

Conclusion: every child has their own timeline

If your little one isn't self-soothing yet, don't worry 💞

Every child has their own timeline, and our job as parents is to support them, not to force them.

We don't seek perfection, but small daily progress: an extra minute of calm, an awakening managed with more serenity, a caress that is enough to find sleep again.

Remember: you are their most important point of reference.

With the With Love Method, I guide you and your child, step by step, to create gentle, consistent, and sustainable routines for the whole family.

Remember: you, with your presence, are their greatest certainty 🤍

✨ If you wish to learn more and receive concrete support, here are the services I have created to accompany you through every stage of your child's growth:

1. A short video about my services (click)

   I explain my services In this video, I tell you verbally how I work, what you can expect from consultations and programs, and who they are truly useful for.

2. Introductory webinar (Click)

   If you prefer to hear me live and understand if I am the right person for you, you can sign up for the free webinar: it is a space for sharing and explanation, without obligation.

3. Method & Approach (Click)
   Discover the With Love Method: a gentle, gradual, and respectful approach to your family's pace, without forcing.